The term “Narcissist” has become a buzzword over the past years. Between endless videos on TikTok, and nearly everyone convinced their ex is a narcissist, it’s easy to see how this disorder gained its infamy. While the term has been thrown around like a get-out-of-jail free card when speaking of your last relationship, it’s important to remember there is a difference between narcissistic tendencies—which many people display to varying degrees—and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a clinical condition. This article explores the distinctions between the two and offers five actionable steps for individuals with narcissistic behaviours who are committed to personal growth and building healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Understanding Narcissism: Navigating Traits and Personality Disorder

What is Narcissism and What are Narcissistic Traits?

Narcissism is often defined by a range of behaviours that centre around self-centeredness, entitlement, and a notable lack of empathy. These traits can originate from childhood experiences, such as parental influences, or be shaped during adolescence through peer interactions. The impact of these behaviours can significantly affect adult relationships, often leading to dysfunction and emotional distress.

Like many behaviours, narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum, ranging from healthy to maladaptive. Healthier expressions may contribute to a secure self-image, resilient self-esteem, and prosocial behaviours that foster reciprocal relationships. In contrast, maladaptive traits can manifest as control, manipulation, or emotional detachment. Individuals displaying unhealthy narcissistic traits often have fragile self-images and react defensively or angrily to feedback. During conflicts, they may resort to manipulation tactics such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, playing the victim, or employing DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender). Their lack of empathy and self-centeredness frequently hinder healthy resolutions, making compromise and mutual understanding challenging.

Following conflicts, individuals with narcissistic behaviours may attempt to “win back” their partner’s affection and trust out of a fear of loss rather than from a place of accountability and growth. A common tactic for this is love bombing, where they overwhelm the hurt party with excessive affection, attention, and compliments to regain their favour. This behaviour can create an illusion of hope for change, only to set the stage for a cycle of unresolved issues and selfish behaviours.

*If you feel as if you are in a cycle of abuse – it may be time to seek professional help or walk away from the relationship. Abuse can be verbal, emotional, physical, or a combination of the three. If you do not feel safe, or are at risk of physical injury, get to a safe place (a friend or family member’s house) and contact the authorities.   

It’s important to differentiate between these traits and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a more severe and pervasive clinical diagnosis. While many may display narcissistic traits, NPD, as defined in the DSM, involves deeply ingrained patterns that cause significant impairment and distress across multiple areas of life. Narcissistic traits alone do not equate to NPD, as the former are often situational or limited in impact, unlike the more pervasive, impairing behaviours seen in clinical narcissism.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

While many individuals may display narcissistic traits, it is crucial to differentiate these from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a more severe clinical diagnosis outlined in the DSM. NPD is characterized by a persistent pattern of grandiosity, an insatiable need for admiration, and a pervasive lack of empathy across many contexts that typically emerges in early adulthood.

Individuals with NPD often possess an inflated or unrealistic view of their abilities, leading them to overestimate their capabilities while fixating on fantasies of power, success, beauty, or ideal love. They commonly expect to be catered to, disregarding the impact of their actions on others, and may react with confusion or anger when their expectations are unmet. This deep need for external validation is rooted in fragile self-esteem and a tendency toward self-doubt.

People with NPD typically display a distorted self-image and a pronounced sense of entitlement, which significantly impairs their ability to empathize with others. This lack of empathy makes it challenging for them to recognize the needs and feelings of those around them, resulting in strained relationships marked by emotional coldness and a lack of reciprocity. While many successful individuals may exhibit narcissistic traits, it is only when these traits become rigid, persistent, and cause significant dysfunction or distress that they meet the criteria for NPD.

Narcissistic behaviours can manifest in various contexts and may be more common during periods of stress, insecurity, or adolescence. However, not everyone who shows narcissistic traits has NPD. The median average across 5 case studies suggests that only about 1.6% of the population meets the diagnostic criteria for this disorder. 

With that said, understanding narcissistic behaviours in ourselves can promote healthier communication, self-awareness, and more fulfilling interpersonal relationships. Understanding narcissistic behaviours in others may help us determine when we can give support and grow as a partnership, and when it might be time to walk away. Leaving a relationship is never easy, but staying in an unfulfilling or abusive relationship is always more difficult in the long run. For more information on processing grief after a breakup, check out our article How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Breakup: A Look at Emotional Recovery.

Tips for Reducing Narcissistic Behaviours

Building healthier relationships requires a proactive approach to self-growth. Here are five effective strategies to consider:

1. Cultivate Empathy

Empathy is the cornerstone of connection. Start by actively listening to others and asking open-ended questions to understand their feelings and perspectives. Practicing empathy can enrich relationships and shift the focus from yourself to those around you.

2. Practice Self-Reflection

Self-reflection promotes self-awareness. Try journaling to capture your thoughts and feelings, particularly after interactions. Reflect on how these interactions impacted others as well as yourself. Incorporating mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can further clarify your emotions and foster personal insight.

3. Seek Constructive Feedback

Honest feedback from trusted friends or family can be invaluable. Create a safe space for others to share their thoughts on your behaviour and be open to what they say without becoming defensive. This may be difficult at first, especially for those with lower self-esteem, but learning how your actions impact others is a powerful step toward improvement.

4. Limit Self-Promotion

Make a conscious effort to focus on others during conversations. Instead of steering discussions toward your achievements, ask about their experiences and interests. This shift can foster deeper connections and reduce the need for external validation.

5. Engage in Philanthropic Activities

Volunteering or engaging in community work shifts the focus outward, offering you a meaningful way to connect with others and gain fulfillment from helping. Contributing positively to others' lives can instill a sense of purpose and reduce self-centred behaviours.

If you’re serious about making positive changes, consider seeking professional support. Book a consultation with VMA Psych to explore your feelings and develop personalized strategies for growth.

The Role of Therapy

If you’re committed to making meaningful changes, consider seeking professional support. A mental health professional can help recognize patterns and uncover the underlying issues behind narcissistic behaviours, guiding you toward healthier self-understanding and interpersonal dynamics. 

Embracing Personal Growth

Growth is a journey, not an overnight transformation. Setting realistic goals and celebrating small victories can make the process fulfilling and sustainable. Each step taken toward self-improvement is a testament to your dedication and resilience, paving the way for a more balanced and satisfying life.

Building Healthy Relationships

Fostering healthy relationships is central to reducing narcissistic tendencies. Here are three essential practices:

1. Active Listening: Show genuine interest and be present in conversations, focusing on others rather than preparing your response.

2. Vulnerability & Accountability: Share your own experiences and challenges honestly. Opening up fosters trust and a deeper bond with those around you.

3. Maintain Long-Term Relationships: Invest time and effort into nurturing your relationships. Regular check-ins with friends and family can strengthen these bonds and create a supportive network.

Looking Forward

Reducing narcissistic tendencies isn’t just about managing behaviour—it’s about creating a life rooted in empathy, understanding, and connection. As you commit to this path, each mindful choice helps foster healthier relationships, boost your sense of purpose, and empower you to grow into the best version of yourself.